I am called into work places on a frequent basis to help manage members of staff who do not respond well to feedback. Sharynn consistently grew defensive when her boss delivered negative feedback about her performance or attitude. She spent most of the day following a performance appraisal crying in the ladies’ loo.
How can Sharynn develop strategies to overcome this, and to create positive comments about her attitude at work?
The first step was to remove the anger and blame Sharynn directed at her boss, and to get her to accept personal responsibility for the situation she was in. Today the blame culture is all around us. Do you accept responsibility for your actions? Sharynn needed to acknowledge her strengths, as well as to recognise her weaknesses. The former she needed to focus on. The latter required her to improve and change her performance.
The second thing was to listen to what her boss was saying. Sharynn needed to raise her self-awareness by taking on board the feedback. Maybe she was making it difficult for others to work with her in a team. What steps could she take to improve the situation? She was ambitious to get on. Perhaps she was blind to the negative impact she had on the team. Her boss gave her specific examples of her negative behaviour on which she could work.
The key is self-respect. Learn to acknowledge the qualities you do have. Focus on the positives. This frame of mind does not happen over night. It takes time and requires careful nurturing. Begin with jotting down five positive things that have happened to you by the end of the day. They don’t have to be mind-blowing. It could be “My boss smiled at me today” or “I held the door open for a work colleague” or even, “The sun shined today”.
It is possible to train yourself to think positively all the time. Don’t be too blinkered in your approach – then you’ll recognise and seize an opportunity when it comes along. Keep yourself flexible in your thinking. Structure in your life is important but so is change and being receptive to new ideas.
Set backs may occur, but be resilient. The optimist will deal with them positively, and regard them as an opportunity to learn from the experience. Adapt to unforeseen situations. Listen to your intuition. Often your gut feeling will guide you through.
“Luck is believing you’re lucky” wrote Tennessee Williams. So take a good look at your self today. Then go out and “get lucky”!
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